Dirty Diapers

When I got home, Becky Wood Barker jumped up, claimed she had an errand and sprinted out the door shouting over her shoulder "Rudy is over by the computer." Overcome by fear and noting that I had seen this sort of thing before...I approached my son, cautiously, only to find him in a questionable state.

Me: Rudy, why does ur mom seem to save her "errands" for when you barf down your front and poop up you back?
Rudy: (silence)
Me: Was this planned? Explain yourself!
Rudy: (silence)
Me: You realize you smell awful, and your body is really gross.
Rudy: (silence, then farts and laughs)
Me: please stop rolling over while I change your nasty gross pants.
Rudy: grrrrr (frustration at either not being able to reach a random price of paper or because I was preventing him from performing the "poop death roll")